3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
