Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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