Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
