I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
