You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
