It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
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