That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
