i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
