was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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