The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
