so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
