i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
