i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
i now understand why vodka
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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