I'm passing your future prison.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
