i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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