dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
