so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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