Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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