Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
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