I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
