I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
