If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I need to stop coming to work sober
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
