I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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