he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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