So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
