Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
