If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I deserve to be covered in dicks
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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