For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
