I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
