After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
