I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
