so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
