Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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