dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
