it was like fucking gandolphs beard
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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