a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
