I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
