Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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