So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
