It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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