Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
