She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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