and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
