do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
