my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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