I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Randomize
