Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
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