remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
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