I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
