I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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